Some beatnick punkass version of Star Wars

From suratg@ix.netcom.com Mon Aug 3 14:30:01 1998

* Surat ?! I didn't know Samuel L. Jackson was going to be in the upcoming Star Wars movie...
<SailrMerc> Surat; Young Darth Vader voice! :)
<Surat> SM: I can just imagine that little kid from Jingle All the Way with his voice... @_@
<Shukaido> Surat: He will be playing Lando X, who opened up the doors for integration into the Star Wars universe, along with jeri curl and Colt 45!
<Hardsuit> Surat: Jackson plays a Jedi in the first movie, for all of 6 pages of the script.
<Surat> Hard: I figured it'd be a small part. The brotha' ALWAYS dies first!
<Hardsuit> Surat: Umm, he doesn't die... He's begging Lucas to come back for the next movie...
* Surat wishes Bruce Campbell would get a part in the new Star Wars Trilogy. :)
* radman is reminded of the Star Wars discussion in "Chasing Amy"
<Khajja> HS: hmmm...a trash talkin' street-smart Jedi?
<Gubaba> Surat: A young Yoda. ^^
<Hobart> Surat: Wahaha :) Or if Quentin Tarantino directed a segment
<Haamel> Yo, fo! Des _ain'_ da _droyds_ you be _peepin'_ fo! Dig?!
<kken> i should be in the new star wars as a bad ass motherfucking jedi mastah of disatah
<Hobart> "Ahm gonna get a few hard pipe hittin' Jedis to go to work on the HOMES here... with a pair of PLIERS and a LIGHTSABER..."
<Gubaba> kken: You can be the IRC-Jedi :)
<Hobart> "I ain't through wit chu yet, sentator palpatine, not by a DAMN sight"
<SailrMerc> Hobart: Wahahahhahahahahaa... "What does Obi-Wan look like?!?!!" "What?" *slices leg off with light saber* "WHAT DOES OBI WAN LOOK LIKE?!?! Does he look like a bitch?":)
<kken> <stormtrooper> you'll have to come with us. <kken> fuck off bucket head. <stormtrooper> excuse me? <kken>... did i stutter?
<Arcfire> Jedi kken! Gotta use that jedi power of suggestion! "fuck off bucket head." "Ok, later."
<Zeede> oh man, "Pulp Wars" (or "Star Fiction")
<SailrMerc> Hobart: And we gotta have the Blaster Pistol going off in a landspeeder, splattering some poor stormtroopers brains all over. :)
<kken> <stormtrooper> if you resist, i'll have to shoot you. <kken> look, don't make me beat the fuck outta you in front of your fucking pals, okay
<Hobart> <Obi-Wan>: Luke, I have something for you., It's your father's light saber, I've had to keep it up my ass all these years.
<Dangerboy> <Vadar> Join me, and we can rule the galaxy, as father and son! <kken> (grabs vadar, throws him over the edge, stands up)" Fuck that, i can do this my self.."
<Zeede> DB: nono, it's <Vadar> Join me, and we can rule the galaxy, as father and son! <kken> (grabs vadar, throws him over the edge, stands up)" THERE IS MY COLD SHOULDER!"
<radman> "Vincent Vega, my man from Mos Eisley"
<Zelpheri> You know, I can NEVER watch Star Wars without having "Bad boys" theme song playing in my mind!
<SailrMerc> Hobart: Man... Christopher Walken as Obi Wan Kenobi is sooo cherry. :)
<Surat> "Who's Yoda?" "Yoda's dead, baby. Yoda's dead."
<Haamel> Fucking Obi Wan Ken-Boy and shit......
<Hobart> Next scene: "Vincent Vega, and Annakin Skywalker's Wife"
<Arcfire> obi-wan kkenobe?
<radman> "If a Stormtrooper stops you, it's illegal for them to search you"
<kken> <vader> kkenobe, we shall see who da mastah is on top of this volcano! <kken> what, are you fucked in the head? fightin' up here with all this boiling lava and shit? man you are fucking smoking crack! get bent!
<Hobart> <Han, looking at self in the mirror>: "That's the Princess out there. You're going to GO back to the Millenium Falcon, Jerk off, take a cold shower, and go to bed!"
<kken> <han> let's go old man! trouble! <kken> man get your mothahfukkin' hands off me dickcheese! i don't give a rat's fucking ass if some 5kXL dood is after you. we gonna make our goddamn stand right here and i am gonna shove the fucking force up these doods' ass, you got that? and get your fucking furball faggot lover back here too!
<SailrMerc> "Bring out the Rancor." "The rancor's asleep." "Well, you better go wake him up then."
<kken> <luke> t-t-t-tie fighters! <kken> goddamn are you a stuttering fuck! get some steel in your ass instead of some tatoonie dick and let's kick some fucking ass RIGHT HERE! we are gonna rail these imperial pricks so hard that they will think they are some sort of prom date!
<Hobart> Kken - you need to replace the fish-eyed dude as the rebel commander giving pep talks to the x wing boyz
<SailrMerc> C-3PO: You fucking brought a dead body to my HOUSE? R2's going to flip when he comes home...
<kken> <luke> did you see that kken! the force worked! <kken> yeah yeah yeah big hairy ass fucking deal. so you stopped a few laser blasts with yo kmart special light saber. man in my day we were smoking corilian spice with one hand, getting sucked off by some alien bitch AND decapitatin' doods with our saber with the other fucking hand. goddamn you are such a weak suck.
<kken> <han> so how are we gonna get outta this thing? that tractor beam ain't gonna let us go. i say we shoot it out. <kken> man fuck that noize you swinging dick of the galaxies. man you are just some fucking big ass flying herpes germ in space, y'know that? just kick back and i'll go hocus pocus let's git da fuck outta here action.
<kken> <vader> you haven't beaten me yet! <kken> man fuck that noize! man you just got da FUCK out! who's the mastah! who's the mastah! man i just beat you like a teenage dick! homo sez what! homo sez what! <vader> curses! <kken> curse this curse that fuck you fuck that i'm da mastah! say it! say it!

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